What is Real Love?

True Love?! What is Real Love?

Understanding true love will help establish and maintain eternal relationships.
Love is a process that is often misunderstood.
To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn what true love is; the difference between true love and its counterfeits; and be willing to work really hard—it takes constant effort. (watering a plant)

What is true love?
What are some of the counterfeits of true love?
How does our love for God influence our ability to love others?
What types of conduct helps develop true love in relationships?

What is True Love?
“One might become immediately attracted to another individual, but (true) love is far more than physical attraction. It is deep, inclusive and comprehensive. Physical attraction is only one of the many elements, but there must be faith and confidence and understanding and partnership. There must be common ideals and standards. There must be a great devotion and companionship. Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity.” (President Spencer W. Kimball)

What is True Love?
“True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, 1971)

“True love is a process . . . Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love . . . We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time . . . Love demands action if it is to be continuing… (love) is a process. Love is not a declaration. Love is not an announcement. Love is not a passing fancy. Love is not an expediency. Love is not a convenience.” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, 1975)

“. . . When the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. . . The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”
-President Spencer W. Kimball
Conference Report, Oct. 1962, p. 57


What is True Love?
“If ye love me, keep my commandments’ and ‘If ye love me feed my sheep’ are God-given proclamations that should remind us we can often best show our love through the processes of feeding and keeping.” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, 1975)
Characteristics of True Love
Doctrine & Covenants 42:22-23


How do “works of the flesh” contrast with walking “in the Spirit”?

Galatians 5:16, 17, 19
Galatians 5:22-23

“Keeping and Feeding”
“The young man who protects his sweetheart against all use or abuse, against insult and infamy from himself or others, could be expressing true love.” (President Spencer W. Kimball)

“Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person’s care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.” (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “How do I Love Thee”)

“Keeping and Feeding”
“Be quick to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, ‘I apologize, and please forgive me,’ even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses.” (Elder Joe J. Christensen, 1995)

Quick talk
Turn to the person next to you and quickly make a list of things a couple can do keep and feed each other

To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn the difference between true love and its counterfeits.

“Satan promotes counterfeit love, which is lust…While camouflaged by flattering words, its motivation is self-gratification.” (Elder Richard G. Scott, 1991)

“The greatest deception foisted upon the human race in our day is that overemphasis of physical gratification as it is related to romantic love.” (Elder Boyd K. Packer)

To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn the difference between true love and its counterfeits.
“You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety’s sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together.” (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “How do I Love Thee?”)

Worldly social exchange theory has placed the self and its’ gratification at the forefront.

“True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves…[when we] think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love. [And] assume the good and doubt the bad” (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “How do I Love Thee?”)

To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn the difference between true love and its counterfeits.

What role should physical attraction play in the selection of a mate?
Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
(Romans 13:10)

What are some of the ways couples "work ill" to each other today?
What do we need to do to be “selfless” regarding physical attraction?

To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn the difference between true love and its counterfeits.

If we love anything more than God, how will it affect our love in courtship and marriage?

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
(Matthew 6:24)

Wherefore, I give unto them a commandment, saying thus: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength; and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him.
(D&C 59:5)


Commitment
“Without a strong commitment to the Lord, an individual is more prone to have a low level of commitment to a spouse. Weak commitments to eternal covenants lead to losses of eternal consequence.” (Elder Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, May 1997, 72)

“. . . Nothing except God Himself takes priority over your wife in your life—not work, not recreation, not hobbies . . . You cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her. . . Stay close to her, be loyal and faithful to her, communicate with her, and express your love for her.”

-President Ezra Taft Benson
Ensign, Nov. 1987, p. 50


To achieve an eternal marriage, couples must learn the difference between true love and its counterfeits.

Proper dating relationships can help us know who to marry.
Couples whose relationship progresses from friendship to steady dating eventually arrive at a crossroads. The relationship can:
Progress to engagement.
Regress to casual dating.
End.
How can we know what to do?
Issues of responsibility . . .
God vs me . . .

Elder Holland provides some counsel about developing love:
1 The ability to love is a gift
2 It is revealed by the way we treat each other
3 We can cultivate qualities that will help us
4 We participate in a “sacred trust” with our partner

We should follow the counsel of prophets and apostles as we date and decide who to marry.
"Be worthy of the mate you choose."
"Marry the right person in the right place at the right time."
"Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy."
"Choose a companion you can always honor."
"Choose a companion … you can always respect."
"Choose a companion … who will complement you in your own life."
"Choose a companion … to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.“
(Gordon B. Hinckley, "Life's Obligations," Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2, 4)