THE LORD'S STANDARDS FOR DATING

THE LORD'S STANDARDS FOR DATING

Following the Lord's standards results in greater happiness and protection.
The Lord has given us dating standards for our peace of mind, protection, and happiness.

We need to know and follow the Lord's standards for dating.
Many fun dating activities are in harmony with the Lord's standards.

Following the Lord's standards results in greater happiness and protection.

Are tennis players in the middle of a match allowed to decide the size of the court?
Do the players get to decide the boundaries of the court just prior to a match?
Do the players get to change the rules after the game has begun?
How could the lines in tennis be compared to the standards the Lord has set for expressing physical affection in dating?
In what ways can these standards from the Lord bring us peace of mind, happiness, and protection?

Following the Lord's standards results in greater happiness and protection.

"I make you a promise that God will not forsake you if you will walk in His paths with the guidance of His commandments"

Gordon B. Hinckley, "A Prophet's Counsel and Prayer for Youth," Ensign, Jan. 2001, 2.
We need to know and follow the Lord's standards for dating.
What are “standards?”

"Standards are rules or guidelines given to help you measure your conduct. Why has the Lord given standards? He wants all his children to return to live with him one day. However, he knows that only those who are worthy will be able to live with him. Standards help you know how well you are preparing to live with your Father in Heaven.

Your entire lives on earth are intended to give you the opportunity to learn to choose good over evil, service over selfishness, kindness and thoughtfulness over self-indulgence and personal gratification. By comparing your behavior and thoughts with your Father's standards, you are in a better position to govern yourselves and make the right choices. God's commandments (standards) are constant, unwavering, and dependable. As you adhere to them, you will receive countless blessings from heaven—including the gift of eternal life"

For the Strength of Youth, [First Edition1990], 6).
We need to know and follow the Lord's standards for dating.
Do you need to change any of your dating standards?
How are dating standards related to happiness?
Who should you date?

President Spencer W. Kimball
“Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; …every young man and young woman (should) seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful..” (Ensign, March 1977, 4)

We need to know and follow the Lord's standards for dating.

Many fun dating activities are in harmony with the Lord's standards.
Dating handout . . .
Write in the right-hand column of the chart your top three choices of dating activities for each characteristic.
What value would each of these characteristics have in a marriage and family?
Which dating activities did you choose most often? Why?
Which dating activities did you choose least often or not at all? Why?
What other dating activities might help couples learn about each other's integrity, manners, regard for the gospel, and so on?
In what ways could the activities you chose allow couples to discover each other's standards?
Why is it important to learn about your date's standards?

Many fun dating activities are in harmony with the Lord's standards.
What are some of the most fun dates you have experienced or heard about?
What experiences have taught you the most about your date?
What suggestions do you have for after-marriage dating?

The importance of shared activity
Aron and Aron (1997), describe the importance of shared activity – and in particular exciting shared activity – in the process of developing love, especially those that involve high levels of physical activity (dancing, hiking, bicycling) or newness and exoticness (attending concerts or studying nature).

Elder Oaks The Dedication of a Lifetime
CES Fireside May 2005
Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and numbers of young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating.
Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage, in some rare and treasured cases.
What has made dating an endangered species?
1. The cultural tides in our world run strongly against commitments in family relationships.
Dating involves commitments, if only for a few hours. Hanging out requires no commitments, at least not for the men if the women provide the food and shelter.
Endangered (continued)
2. The leveling effect of the women’s movement has contributed to discourage dating. As women’s options have increased and some have become more aggressive, some men have become reluctant to take traditional male initiatives, such as asking for dates, lest they be thought to qualify for the dreaded label “male chauvinist.”
Endangered (continued)

Hanging out is glamorized on TV programs about singles.
The meaning and significance of a “date” has also changed in such a way as to price dating out of the market. As dates become fewer and more elaborate, this seems to create an expectation that a date implies seriousness or continuing commitment.
What should we do?

Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects.

The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out.

Counsel to the “man”
Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time.

Counsel to the “woman”
Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is okay, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

Please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date.

What is a date?
A “date” must pass the test of three p’s:
(1) planned ahead
(2) paid for
(3) paired off.

Parting shot
My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not a group activity—at least not until the children come along in goodly numbers (“The Dedication of a Lifetime,” CES Fireside, May 1, 2005, Oakland, California).

Questions to Ask and Discuss of Both Young Men & Young Women
Dress
Makeup
Manners
Women asking for a date?
Education
Parents
Other